I had my CT Scan this afternoon and I think I've made progress with my needle phobia! I didn't take my lorazepam (anti-anxiety tablets) and I was fine! Obviously I still hated it and couldn't wait for it to be out of my arm, but I didn't freak out, didn't cry and best of all didn't feel like a big, fat sook!
So now the hard part. I know there are pictures there that show whether or not the treatment has been successful, but I have to wait till Wednesday to find out. It's going to be a very tough, very anxious 48 hours.
I have this totally illogical and irrational feeling that I am entitled to be fine, as though anyone who undergoes treatment will unquestionably be cured. Basically at the moment my plan is to get the all clear, celebrate, continue with my life and forget I ever had cancer.
I know that’s not reality and regardless of the outcome of my current treatment, cancer will be with me in some sense forever. However, if things could go somewhat as above, I’d be very grateful!
So, for the next couple of days I’ll be doing lots of hoping (and a bit of worrying). I’m also looking beyond my final treatment this Friday and dreaming of things like my hair growing back and the black circles under my eyes disappearing! Can’t wait!
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4 comments:
Im hoping too and you will be fine because I and everyone wishes it so (and we all know i get my way) lots of love from mel
We can't imagine what the wait is like Riaane. We send all our love, strong arms to hold you and crossed fingers that you receive a positive outcome on wednesday. Lisa xx
I was diagnosed with mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma in October 2009 and I am doing great, currently in remission. I was worried about my PET/CT scan as well and couldn't wait for the results. It is totally normal what you are feeling and your results will be fantastic, you will see. Stay positive! Your feelings are not illogical nor irrational, you are entitled to be fine and you will be fine. Before you know it this will all be behind you, your hair is going to grow fast and your body will soon feel like its old self again. You will look back at this and say wow I kicked cancer's butt! Can't wait to hear your good news on Wednesday.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow chicky & I wish you all the best with your results!! For some reason I've got a gutt feeling that it is all going to be ok. Take it easy - love Cat xox
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